I love this quote “Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have, and give thanks for the troubles we don’t have.”
First, the bad news. Life is not perfect. It never has been and never will be. Now, the good news. Once we begin to accept this reality, we welcome a great number of possibilities.
Complaining has become our go-to solution to express our pain, dissatisfaction or resentment.
Complaining keeps our focus on the negatives. And we have all heard this, “What you focus on … grows.” Complaining never results in joy – it just makes us a living, breathing ‘crap’ magnet. And by focusing on and drawing attention to the problems and discomforts around us, we direct other people towards it too.
So how do we shift focus? Here, I give you the promised second magic wand and its very simple: Gratitude. Peter Pan has famously said, ‘All you need is a little faith, trust and pixie dust.’
Well, gratitude sprinkles that pixie dust over all your life.
Gratitude is looking for the good we already have and giving thanks … so as you focus on what you have, it is but natural that you will have more to be thankful for!
Your question might be, “So you say. That’s alright for you, but what do I have to be thankful for? I have a crappy life, my kids don’t talk to me, my mother hates me, my ex-husband has remarried and moved on and I feel like a used tampon … boohoo.”
Stop! You are breathing? Great, you are alive and that’s something to start with. And that is a powerful truth … every morning, a huge chunk of people do not wake up, but you did … so say thank you!
Kidding apart, how do we apply this in relationships, since that is at the core of our life?
Some relationships are good; some great; while some, downright crappy … but all, I repeat, all of them will have something to be thankful for. As they say, you may have great experiences or great lessons … we wouldn’t be where we are in our life, if not for the relationships that propelled us here, for our growth and evolution.
True appreciation has the power to shift our focus from what’s not to what is. Instead of dwelling on what a critical asshole your ex is, talk about what a great father he is. Instead of constantly complaining about how the dating scene is filled with jerks, concentrate on the great friends you found there. Be a miner, keep sifting through all that silt and sand to find the gold.
Here is an exercise that you can do to really shift the energies. I have done this successfully for over a decade now and I find it a powerful exercise. I have been accused of being too sunshiny, but that’s something I can live with!
Take a blank book, I would recommend that you buy one of those expensive, good-looking notebooks – they just have a more aesthetic look, and give out a better energy, plus its motivating to write in a really good-looking book.
And every day, write down ten things to be grateful for.
Now there is a format that you have to follow:
You write, “I am really thankful for ____________ because I feel ___________. Thank you.”
Ten things. Every day. And look for 10 different things daily. And no, you don’t run out of things to be grateful for. Let’s see how many I can list off the top of my head: If I start with my body, I have the air I breathe, the legs that work, the hands that can type, my skin, my smile, teeth in my mouth, my intelligence … you get the drift. So, you have, health, money and relationships … Conveniences – hello, even a few years ago, internet was a thing in the realm of science fiction, and what about electricity? Running water? Or even just water? You understand what I am saying? ( I have a client who thanks things like the soap dish that holds the soap, the soap itself, the shampoo…everyday she finds one room to scan and say thank you!!)
“If you take things for granted, the things that are granted will be taken”
Scared? Do that exercise!
If you need help in getting started, write to me and set up an appointment. Let’s talk. My book, I Complete Me, talks about this and other practises to help step in to your own power. You can order it here: https://notionpress.com/read/i-complete-me