Why Setting New Year Resolutions is a Mistake

Posted on Posted in Blog

So how many of you set New Year resolutions? And how’s that working out for you? If you answered, “Meh”, then here’s my radical invitation for you…

Every year it’s the same thing. January rolls around and reminds us of all the things we have failed at. That we didn’t lose our weight or stop smoking or start running…or make that money…and loser, now’s your chance again! This year, let’s not set any New Year Resolution….instead I want you to try something awesome…I want you to gentle on yourself…and set intentions from a space of self-appreciation and self-awareness.

First some stats for all you left brained people: Only 8% people ever keep the resolutions they made on January. There is a very good and very human reason for this…and it’s not because of any character weaknesses. It is almost impossible to make motivation last for 365 days. It is not realistic. It’s not even human. Actually there is no form of psychotherapy, that I know of, which attempts a behavioural change, that lasts a year…without any other intervention.

That out of the way, here’s why resolutions really never work:

#1: Resolutions are all made of “SHOULDS”
Stop smoking. Start losing weight. Spend Less. More time with family…these are all things that we think we sorta, oughta, kinda SHOULD do…these are doomed for failure because you’ve started them in a half-assed way, based on what you think you should be doing, rather than what you really want to be doing.
When you SHOULD yourself, you create a lot of pressure…and the human mind is wired to avoid pressure at all costs…which is why, one week in to the year, and these resolutions are already losing their grip on you.

#2 Wrong Timing
January is during the winter solstice…remember winter solstice is all about resting and rejuvenation…when you come off the holidays and fall headlong in to the must do, should do trap, it’s bound not to last…think about it…you see the whole year stretched out in front of you…you don’t think of it as a fresh new start…you are looking at acres and acres of days where you HAVE TO, follow your goal…not very motivating. Change of any kind, whether it’s good or bad, is added stress on your mind and body. Get through January first and then re-evaluate. There’s a whole 364 other, absolutely perfect, made-for-you days available.

#3 You’re setting yourself up for failure
So if you are setting resolutions because it’s January and it’s something of a habit, and not because you are really committed to making that big change, you will find excuses and reasons not to do it…and that will add to one more thing in your BIG BOOK OF WHY I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. We don’t want, now, do we? We already have plenty of negative self-talk going on in our heads.

#4 You believe you need to be fixed
A lot of new year resolutions imply that you’re broken & need to be fixed. NOT TRUE. You are not going to be loved more because you are thinner or richer….you are loved for who you are…messy broken parts and all. I am in no way suggesting that you wallow in your bad habits…but change it because you want to, and not because you HAVE to. Get the difference?

So here’s a gentler softer tool for you. Ready to use it?

I love to call this my DreamCatcher.

So here’s what you do. Get out your success Journal and make this DreamCatcher Wheel & label the parts as shown:

Now reflect on these questions:
What are my WINS – what did you achieve this year, big and small…in your relationships, in your health, in your work, in your spiritual practices…look for what went right
What did I Learn – from your failures, your disappointments, from things that didn’t work out or fell short of your expectations. This is the wisdom that will support you in the new year
What do I want to RELEASE – your habits, behaviours, patterns, situations, relationships that weigh you down
Who do I want to BECOME – and As you walk across the bridge from this year in to the next, who is the person that is stepping forward? Celebrate who you have become. Describe your presence with 5 words or phrases, “I am…” or ask, “Who am I becoming?”

This one is a more powerful way of reflecting on what’s gone by & planning the way forward…after all, you have only one life to live. Let’s not waste it feeling bad or unworthy. And instead of creating resolutions for an entire year, let’s just start with living each day….mindfully. Let’s just make today good.

If you liked this idea and it totally made sense, show some love…like and share it forward. As a woke person, it is your responsibility to awaken others too. Spread the light folks.

And if you are serious about getting your life in to high gear, coach with me…having an accountability partner & someone to just kick you in to action is the way to make a good life greater. Call my office on +91 6281 257912 & book an appointment. Or here; www.lumiere24.com/make-an-appointment. Write. Leave a comment in the box below. Whatever. But. Take. Action. TODAY.