Most of us are not raised to believe that we are unique or that we have our own unique place in the world. Right from school we are taught to look alike, dress alike, talk alike, learn by rote, and no points for having individuality. We are brought up in our life as told to us by someone else.
Which is why being yourself can feel risky. I am sure there may be people in your life who believe that being a certain way & showing a certain image is all that matters. And if you start showing your true self, there is a risk of rejection. Like the Billy Joel Song, “we all have a face that we hide away forever”
Julia Cameron says, “Many of us would have been, or at least might have been, done, tried something, if…If we had known who we really were.”
So how do you find the real you? Most of us have never thought about it too often. We all know who we don’t want to be. All of have cringe-worthy moments in our life when we have been selfish or hurtful or weak. But that’s in the past. It doesn’t define who you are today. It’s easy to not like who you are and base your personality off someone else’s because they’re awesome or funny or rich.
Life is what you make of it, and in living through other’s perceptions, you really can’t call your life your own.
So let’s do this:
1. Take a Social Media De-tox
While the social media is there to help you connect with like-minded people, the constant comparisons do send us in to a spiral of negative thoughts or self-whipping. So instead of counting your likes, swap it for a week. Do things which will move you ahead : set goals, learn a new skill, work on your dream project or just listen to some motivational talk. That alone will pump up your self-esteem
2. Stop People-pleasing
No matter what you do or say, you cannot please everyone. People-pleasing also has it’s roots in trying to get people validate your lovableness.. Not happening. Even though rejection is a hard pill to swallow, nothing is more exhausting than cherry-picking everything you do. Let go of the notion that it’s your responsibility to make everyone else comfortable. You are responsible only for your own happiness.
3. Only say things that you mean
Usually, people say things they don’t mean because they don’t know how to sit with things that make them uncomfortable. This goes hand-in-hand with trying to please others because you’re afraid to rub someone the wrong way. When something comes up that either bothers you or goes against what you believe, allow yourself to live in the discomfort and politely speak your truth. Being true to your values and ethos is the greatest gift you can give yourself. This allows you to be open and honest with yourself in ways you couldn’t imagine
4. Be present
When we are over-analyzing every scenario, all social interactions can be exhausting. Why did I say that? Are they bored with what I am saying? Think of something funny so that they like me…these are parallel conversations that run in your head. By being present, you can focus on what’s actually happening, than focusing on assumptions. And you know what assumptions are…they are the fake versions of our story.
5. Appreciate Yourself
I was talking to a friend the other day, when I realized that the entire conversation was focused on what he had done wrong in the past;it is so easy to go there. We have a ready reckoner of all our so-called misdeeds. Which is why appreciating yourself, is actually a very important part of self –love and being yourself. Don’t beat yourself up or compare yourself to someone else Every day look at 5 things that you can appreciate about yourself: your kindness, your compassion, your smile, heck even the fact that you made the perfect cup of coffee today
I know it’s tough, but we have to remind ourselves to focus on our own journey and live the way we want. I know you’ve heard this but you’ve got one life to live. Make it big. Make it yours. Like the quote says, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken”
Share this blog with the people in your life. Most of us are struggling with the same issues. A world filled with beautiful people strong in their own powers is a beautiful thing indeed. Spread the light folks.
And if you need help finding your voice, taking a stance and being yourself, reach out. Our personal Coaching programs are created to fast track your success. Call 6281 527912 to book a free session.